Many books have been written on the differences between women and men. It's been said that women are from Venus, men are made of snakes and snails, and a litany of other differences. As a civilization, we buy countless books telling us what these differences are … millions of dollars are spent each year on the subject.

It seems to me that there's an easier way to compare the two; a very simple comparison that we all see just about every day. I'm talking, of course, about dogs and cats.

Dogs and cats are, without a doubt, the most domesticated animals on earth. There are more dogs and cats kept as pets in the United States then there are people. Both have a moderate amount of intelligence, and both show learned responses to humans.

I don't think it takes a rocket scientist to see which animal has the traits of a man, because it's easy to tell that dogs are small, furry men walking on four legs, and cats have an abundance of female characteristics.

When a dog urinates, it has no shame. A dog will hike its leg anywhere, in front of anybody. And dogs seem to love urinating in other dog's yards. As you know, they're marking their spot, which is what men do in a public restroom. We walk in, take a quick glance at all of the urinals, and determine which is ours … and will remain ours for the time we're in the neighborhood.

When it comes to food, dogs will usually eat everything in their bowl. If you leave the dog food bag open, they'll dig into that, too. Cats will eat only what they need, and save the rest for later on. Just like men and women. Men will chow down and finish their plates first in hopes of being first in line for seconds. Women will usually pick through their food, eating a little of this, a little of that.

Dogs will also eat all of their food, and pester humans to give up what they're eating, too. They'll sit there, looking so hurt, as if to say "I just know I'll die if I don't get some of what you're eating". Cats don't mind eating off of human's plates; they just do it in a more clandestine nature.

Something just occurred to me … when we eat in a restaurant, and we take home any uneaten food, we call it a "doggie bag". Seems to me we should call it a "kitty bag". I'm sure kitty bag means something else to somebody, and I'd probably be embarrassed if I found out what it was.

Dogs usually get along with other dogs. If a strange dog walks into another dog's territory, the home dog will wag his tail, and run over to say howdy. Some sniffing is usually involved. Dogs also have best friends. There's usually a group of particular dogs that run around together. They'll even invite their friends in to take a leak in their yard … after all, they're friends. Men bring their buddies over for the ball game, and fill them full of beer, knowing full well that they'll all be taking leaks in every bathroom in the house.

Cats, on the other hand, remain cool when a stranger approaches. They'll stop what they're doing, raise their heads, and look as if to say "talk to the paw, because the face ain't listening". If a cat tries to urinate in another cat's yard, they'll hear about it. When women have guests over, they make sure that all of their friends use the "good" bathroom. Heaven forbid that anybody would use the bathroom downstairs.

Dogs are traditionally dirty. They don't give a hill of beans what mud hole they've been in, what pile of dog doo they've stepped in, or in which dirty corner of the yard they've been playing. It's all the same to them. Men will take showers because they have to. We just prefer not to take them until late on the weekends, instead sitting around unshaven in our underwear. Cleanliness to a man means changing your tee shirt.

Cats are constantly grooming themselves. You can watch a cat for ten minutes, and, at some point, it's going to lick its paw, and drag it over its head. It's as if a cat always wants to look its best. That's a woman, up and down. Women very seldom go out of the house without putting on their face. Oh, sure, they'll throw on baggy sweat pants occasionally to run to the store, but they never leave the house without looking in a mirror at least once.

A typical domesticated household dog will have an average of 13.6 toys. (I just made that figure up, but it's probably pretty close.) They'll play with each one of them equally, but, if you pick up one of the toys they're not playing with, that toy will suddenly become their favorite, and they'll just have to have it right now. Most men have a garage full of power tools. Some even have them hung on pegboard, an outline marking where each one goes. If you loan your neighbor that 14mm box wrench, there's just no way you can start any job until it's hanging back in its marked spot on the wall. Even if you're not going to use it … that's the tool you need.

Cats will have fewer toys, and they seldom have a favorite. If a cat is playing with a particular toy, and you pick another one up, the cat may look, but it won't really care if you've got it. It's as if a cat's thought process is saying "that's okay, I own that toy, too … let them be jealous". They take pride in ownership, but act like they don't.

Cats will sleep in one particular spot. It may be a piece of furniture, or a pillow on the floor, but that's where they'll sleep, disturbing no one. Sometimes I don't think women turn over at all when they're sleeping.

A dog, on the other hand, prefers to sleep in the bed with you. Not just at the foot of the bed, mind you, but right next to you. Every time you turn over you have to deal with the dog. Dogs, just like men, are blanket hogs.

Cats are discreet when it comes to sex. They'll let out a little whine, announcing their intentions, just as a woman does with a glance. They seldom walk up to each other and say "hey, baby, you and me", instead preferring to have their liaisons to themselves, out of the public eye. Women are discreet about sex. Oh, they may be as excited as men when it comes to sex, but they let it be known in a far more subtle manner.

Dogs just … don't care. They'll have sex anytime, anyplace, with any other dog. Heck, a dog will even try to couple with any convenient leg. To a dog, sex always seems to be self serving. They never ask the leg "was it good for you?".

Dogs and cats. Men and women up and down. Yes, women may be from Venus, but there's no doubt that men are from Pluto. And, Pluto was a dog.

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